Wrestling with Your Feelings of Grief and Failure
When I look into the eyes of a person speaking about the end of his or her marriage, no matter how long it has been since it ended, I see lingering grief. If I am speaking to that person on the phone, I can hear the sadness. I feel it. I feel for that person as I feel for myself – ending something that you entered into in your youth, with such hope and excitement, is devastating. It is understandable and quite common to feel like we have failed miserably, particularly when we are divorcing after a long term marriage.
For many the haunting questions are still there: What happened? What did I do wrong?? Why couldn?t I figure out what was wrong and fix it before it became unfixable? ?That lingering feeling that you failed persists. Please don?t sell yourself short. I recently shared this quote ? keep it in mind and try not to be so hard on yourself:
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?It isn?t a sudden event that ends a long-term marriage?it happens slowly over time.? It?s like an unbreakable plate that you drop repeatedly. The relationship develops micro cracks inside the structure that you can?t see. Then it finally reaches a critical mass and it shatters. Often one person, usually the woman, feels she?s given up too much. She may have put aside her career as she raised the children. She feels the wear and tear of the relationship because it wasn?t collaborative.?
Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love
You can delve into and explore the reasons your marriage didn?t work out with the help of a therapist. I highly recommend that you do, so you can let go and move on. Being able to let go is a gift and a step to helping you visualize the possibilities that lie ahead in your future.
I am here to tell you that it will get better. I recognize that it is difficult to separate everything that has happened or is happening, and make sense of it and be able to move forward. You need a plan. That?s where I come in. I am here to help you put your plan together, to coach you through the process, and support you as you execute it! Together, we can put all of this in rear view mirror.
Book an exploratory session now. Let me show you what the life in front of you can look like.